Friday, January 21, 2011

A Letter to Hero Husband

Dear Hero Husband,

You are awesome in so many ways.

But really, do you need to beat our children at basketball just to prove it?

Last night they were whispering.  I think they might be plotting a coup.

Please consider letting them win.

Love,

She who does not want to be overthrown


.

Friday, January 14, 2011

How to make the Key Lime Pie that'll make you die

My goal isn't really to make anyone die, but seriously, 
my Key Lime Pie is so good you will think you are in pie heaven.  

You can debate me on crusts

You can debate me on toppings.

You will be wrong.

I am okay with that.  I hope you can be too.

This is after all the world according to Shannon.

It took me 15 years to decide the kitchen was a room in the house worth spending any time in.  Since I figured that out I have become quite good at making things like cinnamon rolls and pecan pie. 

Both of which pale in comparison to the awesomeness that is my Key Lime Pie.

The key to making an amazing Key Lime Pie is to first love Key Lime Pie. 

I love Key Lime Pie.  Desperately.  Passionately.  Devotedly. 

There was a birthday I had once when Hero Husband was away and when my parents and siblings decided to come over and celebrate.  They asked what kind of cake I wanted for my birthday party.  

You know where this is going right?

No cake for me.

I wanted Key Lime Pie.

At the time I hadn't yet discovered the kitchen and so I sent them to the Hula Hut, which at the time was the source of the best Key Lime Pie I had tasted.

They bought a lot of Key Lime Pie.  

I ate it all.

I might have been hormonal.

Now I know where the kitchen is and I have found a way to make some magic of my own.

And so the benevolent blogess that I am I am sharing with you.

How to make the Key Lime Pie that'll make you die

Here's what you need.



Slice your Key limes

not just any limes mind you, but Key limes.

No cheating.

I wear latex gloves cause the juice makes my fingers prune





aren't sliced Key limes pretty?




at this point in the Miss Thing always comes and steals one to suck on

I am not that brave 





Then you squeeze the limes




I use a lemon hand squeezer




strain out the seeds and big pulp

I don't know what cheese cloth is so I use my cheese grater

same thing right?




when the juicy part is all done I take off the gloves making them snap and throw them in the trash

I also pretend I am on ER when I do it, cause that is as close to medical school as I will ever get.

And now we are on to the crust





Crumble up all those yummy graham crackers




You may only snack on a few




I leave the crumbs about the size of my thumb nail but you can crumble them smaller if you like

no judgement here




add the sugar




the butter





the almonds




and the coconut

toss it all together and lay it out in your pie plate




press it into the bottom and up the sides




and put it in the oven to brown.

You can also make an extra crust with no filling.  
Break it up into pieces and it makes a great crunchy snack.

Pretending it's a granola bar helps with the shame. 




Whisk your condensed milk with your egg yolks




add in your Key lime juice and some zest




and whisk away




let the graham cracker toasty smell carry you to the oven

it should be nice and brown by now





pour in your key lime filling





bask in the beauty





that is 

Key Lime Pie




bake it




let it cool off and then stick it in the fridge





It'll take some time so we can chat about cream

whipping cream

why buy it in the can when you can make it yourself

it tastes amazing

and you cancel out the calories with all the whisking...

right?




all things are better with cream





especially Key Lime pie




I whisk it up for a bit




add the sugar




and then whisk until your arm falls off

or 4 minutes, whichever comes first




stop when it looks like this

cream eventually turns to butter

butter is awesome, but not on top of a Key Lime pie




garnish your pie with whipped cream





lick the spoon

lick the spoon

lick the spoon

sorry...




cut a thin slice of your lime




and then slice from the center to the outside edge

like so



plop your pretty lime on top of your whipped cream

lick the spoon again

and remember to share your pie.

Unless you don't want to in which case, I don't blame you

it's just that good.



Thursday, January 13, 2011

Nerf War Death Match of Doom

Super Son & Miss Thing both wanted Nerf Guns for Christmas this year.

Santa delivered in spades

Every day since then has involved being pummeled to some degree by orange foam darts

sneak attacks are a particular favorite




Christmas Day Hero Husband went to the station for a shift and so we decided to wage a war of epic Nerf Gun proportions on the unsuspecting firemen.  

It was 

The Nerf War Death Match of Doom




My husband works with a bunch of 10 year old little boys.  

Super Son thought he had died and gone to heaven.




All of the beds in the dorm were dismantled.  

The frames and box springs arranged strategically for optimum cover.

Mattresses were used as battering rams and moving shields to protect the
soldiers as they moved from fortified position to position.  


video


Alas, all good things must end and when the "big boys" set off a smoke bomb I called for a retreat and we headed home.  




Super Son said he annihilated the other army. 

Dude is vicious with a Nerf Gun so I believe him.


Little Angels

Christmas is the season for many things.  This Christmas Miss Thing and Super Son
decided to add to our roster of seasonal festivities a performance in 
the Christmas pageant at our church.  

Shepherd #2 and A Heavenly Host got all dressed and ready leaving some 
time to kill.  Hmm what's a good way to kill some time?  

I know...Geography!
  

This quickly became an argument about the equator, who knows 
more about Burundi and which country is bigger Canada or the US.

Wee Ones!  

Quit arguing!  

At least while you are dressed like people ready to herald 
and preside over the birth of Christ.

Okay Mama

Is my halo on straight?



Yes, Miss Thing, it is, but I am not fooled.

This year I inadvertently found myself working the Christmas Pageant

Long story, but it involved being on time and mediating a dispute over wings and halos.

So instead of getting to sit in the crowd and listen to Super Son declare
he has and idea for an excellent gift for the baby Jesus




I channeled Quasimodo and scurried around behind the angels trying
to keep the heavenly host from staging an uprising and 
assaulting the animals assembled at the manger.



They don't serve wine to the angel wranglers just in case you were wondering.

I think we earned it though

disclaimer:
no angels, shepherds, manger animals or baby Jesus were harmed in the
production of this Nativity story.  As for the Wranglers, this one needed a
Chiropractor and a glass of wine. 
Amen

Sunday, January 09, 2011

Date Night

My Hero Husband has a talent for Date Nights

Get your mind out of the gutter people, this is a family blog.

My Hero Husband has a talent for Date Nights, namely choosing things 
to do and places to go that make me laugh and generally embarrass myself.

The adventure in December was


Pottery!

Mind you this is a bit of a follow up to our earlier adventure in pottery which was a wheel class and I refused to bring my camera under those seriously damp and flingy conditions.

So we show up for our tray handbuilding class and apparently 
we are the only ones who got the memo.  We had the teacher all to ourselves!

The first thing that Hero Husband does is steal the doily that
I wanted and make the tray that I had envisioned.  

Cheater



Collectively we knocked out a bunch of pieces including a butter dish, 
some bed markers for our garden and a decorative sun 
to hang on the side of the chicken coop.




After you build your pieces you get to decorate them.  




This part really should take several days to layer it just right, 
but hey it's date night not date week 
and we managed to get them all fancied up and ready to dry




Hey There.  

How you doin'?

I'd throw pots with you any day handsome!




Sorry, I got a bit distracted.

The hard part being done we go home and watch a movie about pottery

and then wait three weeks for them to fire all of our pieces.

It's a crazy exciting adventure this potter stuff.

Then they call and you rush right over to pick up your masterpiece.  

You absolutely never get crazy busy at work, 
forget 247 times and take 3 more weeks to retrieve them.

Once you return home everyone marvels at your genius




praises your pottery prowess





and commissions a custom piece of their own.





Then and only then can you watch another movie with pottery in it
sing Unchained Melody in the shower at the top of your lungs and call it a day. 

The End